you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
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To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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