put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
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She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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