Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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