i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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