I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
