Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
