You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
