I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
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