In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
