I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
