I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize