OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
