hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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