Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He did a backflip because drugs
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