I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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