So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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