On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize