i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
