I think scott just propositioned me for sex
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?