conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
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