I wish you could order shots online.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
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