what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize
