Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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