i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I party with great urgency now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
