I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
