dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
