my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
