Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
