Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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