I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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