There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
