i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.