I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.