She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...