Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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