On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
