It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
