I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
