do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
