meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
