Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
