life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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