Already got asked if we're dating
kristin has been a bad kristin
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
