I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
