Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
i think my cat just said my name.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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