I just made out with a guy for $7.
i was born a porn star she said
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
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he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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