I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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