I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
