u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
