Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
