508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
