Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
