season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
