I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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