i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
